i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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