I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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