Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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