You're so nebulous sometimes
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
