Sry I called you an 8
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
