I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This is my gift to your gina
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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