That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
