even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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