I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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