take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
