I wish my penis had an off switch
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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