haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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