Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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