and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
