Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
