I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
