Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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