Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
