i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
