My friends, they love my intelligence
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
handjob tips. give me some.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
