Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
