just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
