I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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