This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
