well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i think i have two assholes
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize