He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
