If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
