she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
