So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize