i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize