i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
