I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
