Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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