just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
