she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Michael Bay diarrhea
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
