escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
