She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
