i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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