He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize