waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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