You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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