One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
