I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
