I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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