If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
