i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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