now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
