Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
