I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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