does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
