Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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