Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
