Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
