I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
