There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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