somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Is it penis luge time yet?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
