you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
