I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
