I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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