I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
