I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
