Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
