Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize