I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
