The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
