Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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