He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
